Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
