I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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