Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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