Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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