He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
