What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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