i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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