Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
