They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love you. Go after that dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
