Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize