I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i will never coherently bang her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
