Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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