Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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