remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
