When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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