In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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