i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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