fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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