Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
