I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What a dumb baby whore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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