I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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