So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am naked and annoyed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize