Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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