Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
