break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
