i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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