I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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