I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
