I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
