Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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