You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
