Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
