You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
