im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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