Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
