God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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