Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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