I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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