I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
