I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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