he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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