I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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