I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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