I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
