i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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