i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
