I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
