My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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