Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
