I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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