I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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