Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm too high and old for this...
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