I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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