forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
