6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
