I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
