my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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