still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
