If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
