sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
