Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
