She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
