I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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