Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
