Whod you bang
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I looked at my own cervix.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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