Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think i scared a bird with my dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
