i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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