like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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