you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
