I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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